What’s up fambam, Kerdack here to tell you what’s what and how to get ready for that tasty Festival of the Lost! I have done the most indepth and comprehensive study of this event and one single article provided to us that I am now an certified expert. Other bloggers and video peoples may be just rehashing the same old info, but your boy Kerdack is the only one here doing the legit digging to bring you brand new ways to truly prepare and get ready for Festival of the Lost!
10 Clean out your Inventory
- With every event there’s always some good loot. Getting your inventory cleared over the weekend and ready for all the nonsensical stuff, you’ll be having to do much less damn inventory management and more damn playing.
9 Save Masterwork Cores
- Bruh, you and I know that you are going for a godroll Horror Story. So make sure to stop by Spider every day and start buying 2 Masterwork cores a day so that when you get that new weapon you are ready to make some pretty white balls. Even if the gun ends up being garbage, it is an exclusive. Having it Masterworked means you get to flaunt it in front of blueberries later!
8 Login to Destiny 1
- I guess Master Ives is gunna die? No idea who the fuck that is, but people in my Discord said he’s the cryptarch from Destiny 1 on the Reef. Probably appropriate to go teabag him one last time before he dies.
7 Prepare for login queue
- When Solstice of Heroes hit dat login queue and times became a sad reality. Grab a few beers to dull your senses so that you don’t have to experience the terrible feeling of not being able to login when the first new Destiny 2: Forsaken event hits.
6 Follow Bungie on Twitter
- Ya’know, incase the servers crash?
5 Play Clue
- The only true way to prepare to solve the mystery of Master Ives’ death. Clue is a real-to-life interpretation of solving a murder. And, if you don’t have friends… There is a pretty terrible Clue movie that is so nuts and B-rated that it is amazing. So check that shit out, you’ll be ahead of the curve I promise.
4 Buy some Pumpkin beer
- Omg, pumpkin beer is just around the corner. Gawd, I miss that. See, I’m originally from Kansas where you can find the best wheat beer ever, and that pumpkin wheat beer? Oh geebus, that is the best. Now I’m in California where the wheat beer just isn’t the same. QQ for me.
- If you’re too young, I guess get some pumpkin spice Coffee-Mate?
3 Binge watch Lost
- To hearken back to my previous and completely flawless piece of online journalism which covered the announcement of The Festival of the Lost, I highly suggest you binge watch Lost. That show is great, and will only take you 5 days and 1 hour of nonstop watching to finish!
- This truly would set you ahead of the rest, because you can show fellow guardians that you can catch all the deepcut references that Bungie is sure to throw us in Festival of JJ Abram’s Lost!
2 Buy a sheet
- Oh I know, you’re wondering what the fudge-nuts I’m thinking. But look, I know that you are secretly just a 12 year old kid who streams on Twitch, don’t worry I wont spoil your secret. But you want to get ahead of all the other 12 year old Twitch streamers? Well, buy a sheet and cut some holes in it… INSTANT Spooktober facecam for your Twitch!
Pro Tip: Buy one on Amazon, if you get one from the Goodwill… Well, let’s just say hopefully none of your Halloween parties have a black-light.
1 Watch Goosebumps movie
- Have you followed my steps so far? By now you should have a clean inventory, cores to masterwork the Horror Story, expert detective skills to solve the murder-mystery, and even a pop-culture knowledge to make deepcut Lost references. But! You need to really get into the mindset of the Horror Story to properly and fully use it. Since Destiny 2 is meant to be family friendly I can’t recommend a dark R rated horror like 1408 or something 2spoopy4me. However, Goosebumps is a kid-friendly Horror Story with Jack Black. This I am 100% certain will get you completely ready to use the Horror Story.
There you have it Guardian, the secrets that nobody else but your buddy Kerdack is willing to tell you. Make sure you tell all your closest friends and family that DestinyLootCave.com is what brought you this knowledge that made you spend 5 goddamn days watching Lost nonstop. They’ll understand.
Are you as excited for Spooktober’s Festival of the Lost as I am? Well, I’m taking the day off of work on October 16th to stream on Twitch all day to get a godroll Horror Story! I don’t care if it is a shit weapon and I hate it, I will use that shit for days just for you guys.
I do this for you!
Okay, so hit me up on Discord (I’m lonely and bitches be quiet in my Discord… YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE YOU LURKERS) and leave me some sexy comments.
KTHXBIA
PS, did you really just read all this shit? I’m falling asleep writing this… Whatever man, hopefully you got a chuckle while you’re taking a shit at work, eh?
